I was only dreaming

Last night I had the strangest dream...

We went to this farm where they had a building where they honoured the dead (and possibly housed the bones of quite a few of them). On the main floor each wall section was for a year and there was a samples of photos, obituaries, etc of a random selection of people that died that year that were interred below. I was with a group of friends and I can't remember the reason we went there in the first place. I went to look at the year 1973 for some reason that I felt I needed too. Sure enough there was a photo of me at that age at my 3rd birthday and my friend JM was also there beside me in the photos - she would have been 4 1/2. I didn't think I even knew her at that age (thought we'd only met as adults) but the photo proved otherwise. There was also an obit for me saying that I'd been killed in a car accident at the age of 3.

Needless to say this freaked me out a bit as I was very much alive and had no memory of any of this. I also have always had a strong internal feeling that my death would eventually come as a result of a car crash, instantly. So in my dream I suddenly had this flash of insight that the reason I have always felt that way is that some part of my subconscious remembered this car accident where I'd obviously nearly died when I was 3 - and therefore these intense feelings did *not* mean that I would die in a car accident in the future. I was actually a bit relieved, but still incredibly freaked out that there was a memorial to my 3 year old self here in this building.

Later I was taking part in this grieving workshop event that was faith-based, even though I am not religious (so I felt a bit fake taking part in it, but oh well). I don't remember who I was supposed to be grieving for even, as I was so wrapped up in the new information that I "died" at age 3. We were split into groups and there was a young man talking to our group. I think I appeared distracted or disinterested, but I was sort of listening. He noticed. We all went to sit down and work though some sort of exercise. He sat beside me and started talking to me and wanted to know why I was reacting the way I was, so I told him how I had found my own memorial and obituary and that I had supposedly "died" when I was young. He looked a bit like Elliot Yamin, but not quite. He was a spiritual person in his beliefs and the way he was talking but he could tell that I wasn't so much. He was moved by my story.

I don't know what any of this means but I'm still freaked out upon waking. I *have* for many years, pushing 20 or more, always felt that my eventual death would be in a car accident and quickly. I did not almost die in one when I was 3.

I needed to write all this out, so if anyone is actually reading this blog, sorry about that! I know dream descriptions are boring for others to read! I'm still weirded out by it.